Reclaiming Myself

 I've been feeling better lately. Not only is winter gone and spring weather helps, but I've been diligently working on myself. I have a diagnosis for all of my strange symptoms and I'm taking medication for it. I have connective tissue disease and an autoimmune disease with an overlap of symptoms in Lupus and Sjrogen's Disease. So, my doctor is providing medication to treat both types. He says it can take 6 months to a year to see the effect, but I feel a bit better so perhaps it's earlier. I've also started to take turmeric supplements, do Pilates, physical therapy and see a psychiatrist weekly. I am reclaiming myself and engaging in a lot of self love. I'm also determined to mend my relationship with my brother, whom I haven't spoken to since my sister died. I am optimistic. I've also come to the realization that grief will always be there. This culture has an expectation you should just "get over it, move on, or she's in a better place." Bullshit. It sucks and I miss Jean every day. I've discovered and learned pain of loss will coexist with happiness in one's life. I'm also happy that I've disclosed to my job that I will be working just one more year and will seek another opportunity. So I feel better about a lot of things. Not unicorns and rainbows, but donkeys and rainy days. Maybe that can be the new phrase.

Answers give me clarity and alleviate a lot of stress. I know things will happen again and I will find myself in another funk or worse. At least I know not to sugar coat it, but to once again learn how to confront whatever challenge it is to get myself into a healing shelter. 

I'm reclaiming myself. I am loving myself more because I deserve it. I'm a good, kind person with so many imperfections that I embrace. I had a difficult past and it is a part of me because it is part of who I am as a person. If it wasn't for the trauma and the hardship, I wouldn't be who I am today. I wouldn't appreciate this journey I'm on where I truly am grateful to breathe every day and love my family every day. Yay and big hugs for me.